I don't think I'd quite realized you still were. Because you've been so kind to me. But it makes sense in a way, that you might be. And just-- focusing on other shit.
You're so controlled. I envy that.
(And, weirdly, your ability to evoke such visceral terror with a single unhinged grin. How the fuck do you even do that and how do I learn it?)
You can be controlled too, Steven. You just have to want it.
(This is simply another aspect of control. Or perhaps, a slight loss of one. Either way, it is much easier to take a man who possesses himself more seriously.)
My anger has a purpose, Steven. You will become a better man with my guidance. One that does not make me angry, one worthy of being truly forgiven.
I know. I know. I'm working on it, honestly. Along with the cognitive empathy exercises. I don't know if it's apparent yet, but I *am* working on it.
And-- I do understand, I think. I *want* to be a better man. I'm not all that content with the me that I am now.
... although and I hate to ask, because it feels like I'm begging for scraps of compliments, but. *Is* there anything about me as I am now that you find at all... god. I don't even know. Likable. Acceptable. Worthy of attention? Or are you still just doing this because it's better strategically in the long run to turn an enemy into an ally rather than crush them and lose the resource they represent? I guess what I'm wondering is if I'm a fool who's altogether too willing to provide emotional support to someone who doesn't even really like me, just because I like *you* despite myself and also I'm getting something out of it. I guess it doesn't even have to be the me that I am now, it could even be that better man you want me to be, I just.
Fuck. I don't know. I guess it's that I get the impression that Hades actually *likes* Tyler to some degree or did until he hurt you and as he keeps stressing to me, *you* have absolutely no reason to actually like *me*.
Despite your shortcomings, Steven, I do like you. I need you to understand the nature of our relationship. I cannot share myself with those I cannot control. I have purposefully placed myself in a position to control you as I need to, but that does afford you the ability to truly see me, Steven.
I don't let many see me. I like to watch, and it does diminish my ability to do that— being seen...
It is not troublesome for you to ask such a straightforward thing of me, I am not forthright with such compliments otherwise. You do have qualities I appreciate and admire. A love for arts, a zest for life, a desire to protect your comrades. These are all positive qualities that you have not yet had the time to fully explore and enforce in your own personality.
I do like you, Steven. At the same time I can be angry with you. Emet-Selch spends quite a lot of time angry or irate with me, yet I am secure that I cannot lose his love so easily. So... be at ease, Steven. I will guide you well.
No, no, I do get it. I'm not used to anger burning so cold that I can't even detect it, but I do get that you can be angry with people you like. I just-- wanted to make sure you liked me at all, I guess. Silly as it is.
And-- I get not wanting to share yourself with people you can't control. I do. Even if it's soft control, like you're doing with me, where you use favors and persuasion and knowledge of my own psyche to manipulate me where you need me to be. That's-- well. I think that's my preferred method, too. Even if there's something nice about the thought of just *making* people do what I want them to, ordering them around and what have you, I *know* that it's not the smart way, nor the best way.
I *am* glad that you like me. And that you're teaching me.
Most people do hate being ordered around. It is best to lead them by the nose without their realization. But if you aren’t careful, manipulation will earn others’ scorn much faster and much more permanently.
I really must insist that you continue to try to get along with Emet-Selch. He really is a very sweet man.
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fingersandteeth) wrote2022-02-21 05:11 pm
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I don't know.
I don't think I'd quite realized you still were. Because you've been so kind to me. But it makes sense in a way, that you might be. And just-- focusing on other shit.
You're so controlled. I envy that.
(And, weirdly, your ability to evoke such visceral terror with a single unhinged grin. How the fuck do you even do that and how do I learn it?)
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(This is simply another aspect of control. Or perhaps, a slight loss of one. Either way, it is much easier to take a man who possesses himself more seriously.)
My anger has a purpose, Steven. You will become a better man with my guidance. One that does not make me angry, one worthy of being truly forgiven.
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And-- I do understand, I think. I *want* to be a better man. I'm not all that content with the me that I am now.
... although and I hate to ask, because it feels like I'm begging for scraps of compliments, but. *Is* there anything about me as I am now that you find at all... god. I don't even know. Likable. Acceptable. Worthy of attention? Or are you still just doing this because it's better strategically in the long run to turn an enemy into an ally rather than crush them and lose the resource they represent? I guess what I'm wondering is if I'm a fool who's altogether too willing to provide emotional support to someone who doesn't even really like me, just because I like *you* despite myself and also I'm getting something out of it. I guess it doesn't even have to be the me that I am now, it could even be that better man you want me to be, I just.
Fuck. I don't know. I guess it's that I get the impression that Hades actually *likes* Tyler to some degree or did until he hurt you and as he keeps stressing to me, *you* have absolutely no reason to actually like *me*.
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I don't let many see me. I like to watch, and it does diminish my ability to do that— being seen...
It is not troublesome for you to ask such a straightforward thing of me, I am not forthright with such compliments otherwise. You do have qualities I appreciate and admire. A love for arts, a zest for life, a desire to protect your comrades. These are all positive qualities that you have not yet had the time to fully explore and enforce in your own personality.
I do like you, Steven. At the same time I can be angry with you. Emet-Selch spends quite a lot of time angry or irate with me, yet I am secure that I cannot lose his love so easily. So... be at ease, Steven. I will guide you well.
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And-- I get not wanting to share yourself with people you can't control. I do. Even if it's soft control, like you're doing with me, where you use favors and persuasion and knowledge of my own psyche to manipulate me where you need me to be. That's-- well. I think that's my preferred method, too. Even if there's something nice about the thought of just *making* people do what I want them to, ordering them around and what have you, I *know* that it's not the smart way, nor the best way.
I *am* glad that you like me. And that you're teaching me.
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I really must insist that you continue to try to get along with Emet-Selch. He really is a very sweet man.
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But I'll do my best. At the very *least* I won't be the first foresworn.
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