“...More than okay. Hades is actually out of bed and making breakfast,” he says, his tone as if he’s beholding an undiscovered wonder of the world.
He turns his attention back to the conversation in short order after registering the next parts.
“It is... nurturing for the soul to truly feel not alone.”
Hythlodaeus sighs hard at that last bit. He raises his voice so that Hades can hear him in the kitchen.
“I see that you caught him reprising his role of conquerer. Surely he would be flattered by how convincing his audience found the performance, but perhaps, from time to time, he should put the villain costume away.”
He sighs softly, his voice returning to its usual volume. “No, no. Steven. I don’t think that, and neither truly does he. We’re all equals, merely of different ages and origins, burdened to solve problems much bigger than ourselves.”
Steven lets out a sigh of relieve. His whole body relaxes, as if he hadn't realized he'd been holding himself so stiffly and tightly, until the moment he didn't have to anymore.
"I wish I could believe that of Hades," he says in a sad, weary voice, "but I don't think I can. I mean, I figured out by the second day that he didn't think I was a person any more than the people I used to garden for after my Durance did, and he never... he never really showed me all that much otherwise. Which, okay, I was always getting into shit with him, but still. He even said in the messages we were sending last night that 'personhood is relative.' So no, I don't think he thinks I'm a person. Maybe he thinks I'm an animal. Or maybe I'm just-- I don't know. Some other kind of non-person."
He lets out a shaky breath. "That's, fuck. The one thing I really can't abide. I didn't like it even before everything happened, but since then... you know, I didn't have any papers after we escaped. No proof of identity. Which meant for all intents and purposes I was an illegal immigrant. In my own city!" He closes his eyes. "It was a relief," he says quietly. "To be a person again here. You have no idea how much, Hythlo."
Hades comes forward just to deliver Hythlodaeus' breakfast before stalking away in indignation to go back to bed on the other side of the house.
"I'm stunned that you could not simply go to your local bureau. Even if you were an immigrant, in Amaurot you would need only a writ of character from a citizen or some manner of sponsorship, and this was never too difficult to obtain. If it were your own city, a relative or a friend would have been enough. Even if you had neither, you certainly would not have suffered for it, nor would anyone have treated you as lesser."
Hythlodaeus thinks for a moment. "I have something to confess. Well, two things. One is a little more difficult than the other, but is relevant to the topic at hand. I'll round back to it, if you don't mind," he says as he picks up his teacup.
"Hades is being so sweet and affectionate to me. He was never truly unkind to me, but... Because I'm injured, he's been doting," he starts. "...But as he is already entangled with Dirk, I cannot... Well. I cannot take the affection any further, if you catch my meaning."
"It wasn't that easy," Steven says. "The Fetch-- Well. I guess I can explain him later." He shakes his head. "But-- right. Because if you did, Hades wouldn't just be cheating on Dirk emotionally, but physically too. So you're-- is this your way of leading into questions about how you're going to get laid again?"
He drums his fingers against the other arm of the throne.
"I mean, I really don't think I can personally help you with this. I mean. I wouldn't do anything without Jack and I don't know if he'd want to with you. And Hades might be willing to agree to a formal ceasefire, but I'm pretty sure me getting my grubby paws on you would make him tear the treaty up." He bites his lip, not that Hythlodaeus can see. "And I-- suspect that a private performance, while possibly much easier to persuade Jack into, might only frustrate you more. You're looking for a person, after all--not your hand and lotion."
There are several questions and comments that all wish to burst from his mouth at once, and he has trouble deciding which should go first. He picks one at random.
"Not that I can use my hand right at the moment anyway," he says, trying to unpack the rest of that. "Do you think I'm handsome, Steven?"
And then he remembers what a Gravler is.
"...Are you insinuating that I... Do people here court certain types of the creatures?"
"I mean. Sort of? My type is... less about looks and more about personality. Um. Smarter than me and being, uh, kind of an asshole underneath everything are two of the biggest turn-ons. But I'm very happy in my relationship which is currently monogamous?"
Steven is suddenly very conscious of how many times he's been fucked, blow, or done as much to Jack in this very chair.
"Though. Uh. I think exhibitionism might be one of Jack's kinks?" he adds, his voice a little tighter than usual.
Right, no. No, let's-- not think about this. Even if he might be thinking a lot about this later.
"And, um, not that Graveler. Gravlr with no Es. It's an app. For the pokegear. That helps you find people--well, in this case other men interested in men--to hook up with and fuck. I, uh, downloaded it my first week--I just ended up hooking up with Jack that weekend so I never actually used it."
we can just assume nothing is sfw or sacred the rest of the way down.
"...As I'm not a species of bird, I feel no inclination towards monogamy. I'm not sure that I have a preferred type, so much as I do have some baseline requirements."
Is it sharing time? Hythlodaeus can share. "I don't need a man who is smarter than me. Stimulating conversation is all well and good, but it is much rarer these days to find at all. As for kinks, Hades has quite a few himself. The sort that cannot be fulfilled merely by a single man. Well... One very competent man and a couple instruments, perhaps."
He sighs wistfully.
"You should have seen the sorts of places we had in Amaurot. Entire bathouses of handsome men relaxing at dusk, drinking and talking into the night. I've found a single onsen here with a strict "no touching" policy in the water frequented by the same twenty men."
Steven shifts uneasily atop the throne. "Oh fuck. I. Uh. Yeah. Yeah, this world doesn't have a gay scene at all. Gravlr is just about it. Jack warned me about it when I said if I'd known he liked men, I'd have asked him directions to the nearest gay bar--according to him there aren't any. But yeah, uh, god. I miss them too. I mean, after my career took off I couldn't really go anymore, given how I was starting to get recognizable on a local level... but they were nice. You just had to be extra careful, you know?"
“I’m afraid we’ve stumbled into another cultural difference, Steven. What ever are you insinuating?” Hythlodaeus ate his breakfast, trying to keep his thoughts from being consumed by the Hades-shaped distraction in his mind.
“I miss it terribly, though. Where must all of the men be?”
"I mean, back home it wasn't exactly... respectable for men to fuck other men," Steven explains awkwardly. "More than it used to be when I was younger, but. Well. And the being careful was just, you know, safe sex?"
“The more I hear the less I understand. Hades was among the fourteen most respected men living in the most respectable city on the face of our star, bar none.”
His brow wrinkles as he tries to comprehend it.
“Was there some sort of... mating bias, perhaps?”
He sighs. “I suppose mortals do heal a little worryingly slow to safely engage in sadomasochism,” he says, trying to follow at all.
"Um, no, we do that," Steven says, his voice just a little bit choked-off. "I, um, do that, to some degree. Though, uh, I've never been much for using tools for it. I was talking about sexually transmitted diseases."
"There aren't, thank fuck," Steven assures him, hastily. "I asked one of the doctors from work when I got a physical--uh, not mandatory, voluntary since it had been over five years since my last--and at first she thought I was asking if I could catch someone's, uh, non-sexual illness while having sex with them and when I explained about, uh, syphilis and the clap and AIDs she was... pretty disturbed."
He's quiet for a moment. "But. They're a thing where I'm from. I mean, I'm clean! But... they're definitely a thing. My, uh, favorite uncle died from something he caught that way." A shaky sigh. "It really fucked me up when I was a kid. You could see him just. Wasting away."
He shakes his head. "But there's nothing like that to worry about here. So, uh, there's nothing really stopping anyone from opening up our kind of bathhouse. They just. Don't."
Steven shakes his head, not that Hythlodaeus can see it.
"Not your fault," he says.
He's quiet for a moment. Part of him wants to yell at Hythlo or talk about how angry he still is at Tyler. But he doesn't do any of that. Instead he asks, "What was the other thing you wanted to confess? Besides that you're looking for a good time."
"...Ah, yes. On the matter of personhood, well," he takes a deep breath.
"I... I know you love your gossip, Steven. And perhaps I'm telling you this because I wish to be free of the burden of the lie. Hades does not know this."
He closes his eyes for a moment, resolving himself to it. "I would not be considered a person in Amaurot. More precisely, I would not consider myself a person. I am bereft of a soul, Steven. I was, once, a long time ago. But I am merely reconstructed from memories and animated by aether."
"Oh Hythlo," Steven says softly, sighing as he slides down to be almost horizontal with the throne. "If it helps," he says quietly. "I consider you to be a person. Even if you don't have a soul. I mean, fuck knows that mine's all full of holes anyway." He bites his lip. "And. I won't tell anyone. If you don't want me to. I know I do gossip but there are things I won't talk about, especially if people ask me not to."
“I am an excellent facsimile, don’t be fooled, Steven. I’ve made decisions around this fact, after all,” he says calmly.
“So... it is too late now. But I would prefer it to stay under wraps for the moment. It is terribly selfish of me, a fake, to want Hades’ affection just a little while longer.”
Steven's quiet for a long moment. "Maybe you're not the real Hythlodaeus," he says softly. "But that doesn't mean you're not a person. You've got free will, right? And a mind of your own. Hell," he says, with a tired sigh. "Even our Fetches... even the really shitty ones that aren't enough like us... they're people too. Ones that stole our lives, but. They didn't ask to be made." He bites his lip. "Probably the other reason I hadn't done anything about mine yet."
“That is true, I’m not the real Hythlodaeus, but I also don’t know who else to be. And I wouldn’t want to be anyone else anyway. I’m not precisely a “who” besides... But I do have free will and mind of my own. That was a circumstance of my creation after all.”
"So when they take us," Steven says quietly, "they take a sliver of our soul and wrap some junk around it and make... copies of us. Fake versions. And they stick them into our lives and they live our lives for us." He doesn't say anything for a long moment. Then, "Mine really fucked up my life when I was away. That's why I couldn't just... tell the government it was me, I was captive, but I'm not anymore, so you can un-declare me dead. Because the fake with my name and face was there."
"They say we get that part of us back if we kill them," Steven says quietly. "I think about killing mine a lot. I hadn't when I was brought here. If I went home, I think I would."
“Well... it does sound as if it would be within your rights to do so. This creature was made to harm you, made of you even. It seems... rather clear cut, morally.”
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fingersandteeth) wrote2022-02-21 05:11 pm
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He turns his attention back to the conversation in short order after registering the next parts.
“It is... nurturing for the soul to truly feel not alone.”
Hythlodaeus sighs hard at that last bit. He raises his voice so that Hades can hear him in the kitchen.
“I see that you caught him reprising his role of conquerer. Surely he would be flattered by how convincing his audience found the performance, but perhaps, from time to time, he should put the villain costume away.”
He sighs softly, his voice returning to its usual volume. “No, no. Steven. I don’t think that, and neither truly does he. We’re all equals, merely of different ages and origins, burdened to solve problems much bigger than ourselves.”
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"I wish I could believe that of Hades," he says in a sad, weary voice, "but I don't think I can. I mean, I figured out by the second day that he didn't think I was a person any more than the people I used to garden for after my Durance did, and he never... he never really showed me all that much otherwise. Which, okay, I was always getting into shit with him, but still. He even said in the messages we were sending last night that 'personhood is relative.' So no, I don't think he thinks I'm a person. Maybe he thinks I'm an animal. Or maybe I'm just-- I don't know. Some other kind of non-person."
He lets out a shaky breath. "That's, fuck. The one thing I really can't abide. I didn't like it even before everything happened, but since then... you know, I didn't have any papers after we escaped. No proof of identity. Which meant for all intents and purposes I was an illegal immigrant. In my own city!" He closes his eyes. "It was a relief," he says quietly. "To be a person again here. You have no idea how much, Hythlo."
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"I'm stunned that you could not simply go to your local bureau. Even if you were an immigrant, in Amaurot you would need only a writ of character from a citizen or some manner of sponsorship, and this was never too difficult to obtain. If it were your own city, a relative or a friend would have been enough. Even if you had neither, you certainly would not have suffered for it, nor would anyone have treated you as lesser."
Hythlodaeus thinks for a moment. "I have something to confess. Well, two things. One is a little more difficult than the other, but is relevant to the topic at hand. I'll round back to it, if you don't mind," he says as he picks up his teacup.
"Hades is being so sweet and affectionate to me. He was never truly unkind to me, but... Because I'm injured, he's been doting," he starts. "...But as he is already entangled with Dirk, I cannot... Well. I cannot take the affection any further, if you catch my meaning."
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He drums his fingers against the other arm of the throne.
"I mean, I really don't think I can personally help you with this. I mean. I wouldn't do anything without Jack and I don't know if he'd want to with you. And Hades might be willing to agree to a formal ceasefire, but I'm pretty sure me getting my grubby paws on you would make him tear the treaty up." He bites his lip, not that Hythlodaeus can see. "And I-- suspect that a private performance, while possibly much easier to persuade Jack into, might only frustrate you more. You're looking for a person, after all--not your hand and lotion."
He's quiet for a brief moment.
"You've tried Gravlr, right?"
cw nsfw, nsfw with pokemon??
"Not that I can use my hand right at the moment anyway," he says, trying to unpack the rest of that. "Do you think I'm handsome, Steven?"
And then he remembers what a Gravler is.
"...Are you insinuating that I... Do people here court certain types of the creatures?"
cw: definitely nsfw
Steven is suddenly very conscious of how many times he's been fucked, blow, or done as much to Jack in this very chair.
"Though. Uh. I think exhibitionism might be one of Jack's kinks?" he adds, his voice a little tighter than usual.
Right, no. No, let's-- not think about this. Even if he might be thinking a lot about this later.
"And, um, not that Graveler. Gravlr with no Es. It's an app. For the pokegear. That helps you find people--well, in this case other men interested in men--to hook up with and fuck. I, uh, downloaded it my first week--I just ended up hooking up with Jack that weekend so I never actually used it."
we can just assume nothing is sfw or sacred the rest of the way down.
Is it sharing time? Hythlodaeus can share. "I don't need a man who is smarter than me. Stimulating conversation is all well and good, but it is much rarer these days to find at all. As for kinks, Hades has quite a few himself. The sort that cannot be fulfilled merely by a single man. Well... One very competent man and a couple instruments, perhaps."
He sighs wistfully.
"You should have seen the sorts of places we had in Amaurot. Entire bathouses of handsome men relaxing at dusk, drinking and talking into the night. I've found a single onsen here with a strict "no touching" policy in the water frequented by the same twenty men."
NOPE
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“I miss it terribly, though. Where must all of the men be?”
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His brow wrinkles as he tries to comprehend it.
“Was there some sort of... mating bias, perhaps?”
He sighs. “I suppose mortals do heal a little worryingly slow to safely engage in sadomasochism,” he says, trying to follow at all.
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"Tell me there aren't any of those here," he says a bit more quickly.
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He's quiet for a moment. "But. They're a thing where I'm from. I mean, I'm clean! But... they're definitely a thing. My, uh, favorite uncle died from something he caught that way." A shaky sigh. "It really fucked me up when I was a kid. You could see him just. Wasting away."
He shakes his head. "But there's nothing like that to worry about here. So, uh, there's nothing really stopping anyone from opening up our kind of bathhouse. They just. Don't."
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“The caretakers of your world are doing a poor job, it seems, and for that I feel I should apologize to you for them.”
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"Not your fault," he says.
He's quiet for a moment. Part of him wants to yell at Hythlo or talk about how angry he still is at Tyler. But he doesn't do any of that. Instead he asks, "What was the other thing you wanted to confess? Besides that you're looking for a good time."
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"I... I know you love your gossip, Steven. And perhaps I'm telling you this because I wish to be free of the burden of the lie. Hades does not know this."
He closes his eyes for a moment, resolving himself to it. "I would not be considered a person in Amaurot. More precisely, I would not consider myself a person. I am bereft of a soul, Steven. I was, once, a long time ago. But I am merely reconstructed from memories and animated by aether."
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“So... it is too late now. But I would prefer it to stay under wraps for the moment. It is terribly selfish of me, a fake, to want Hades’ affection just a little while longer.”
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“What is a fetch?” he asks, voice soft.
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“I am surprised that you would not be able to rejoin that sliver of your soul back to yourself, but... I’m not sure if you would want that either?”
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