"Um, no, we do that," Steven says, his voice just a little bit choked-off. "I, um, do that, to some degree. Though, uh, I've never been much for using tools for it. I was talking about sexually transmitted diseases."
"There aren't, thank fuck," Steven assures him, hastily. "I asked one of the doctors from work when I got a physical--uh, not mandatory, voluntary since it had been over five years since my last--and at first she thought I was asking if I could catch someone's, uh, non-sexual illness while having sex with them and when I explained about, uh, syphilis and the clap and AIDs she was... pretty disturbed."
He's quiet for a moment. "But. They're a thing where I'm from. I mean, I'm clean! But... they're definitely a thing. My, uh, favorite uncle died from something he caught that way." A shaky sigh. "It really fucked me up when I was a kid. You could see him just. Wasting away."
He shakes his head. "But there's nothing like that to worry about here. So, uh, there's nothing really stopping anyone from opening up our kind of bathhouse. They just. Don't."
Steven shakes his head, not that Hythlodaeus can see it.
"Not your fault," he says.
He's quiet for a moment. Part of him wants to yell at Hythlo or talk about how angry he still is at Tyler. But he doesn't do any of that. Instead he asks, "What was the other thing you wanted to confess? Besides that you're looking for a good time."
"...Ah, yes. On the matter of personhood, well," he takes a deep breath.
"I... I know you love your gossip, Steven. And perhaps I'm telling you this because I wish to be free of the burden of the lie. Hades does not know this."
He closes his eyes for a moment, resolving himself to it. "I would not be considered a person in Amaurot. More precisely, I would not consider myself a person. I am bereft of a soul, Steven. I was, once, a long time ago. But I am merely reconstructed from memories and animated by aether."
"Oh Hythlo," Steven says softly, sighing as he slides down to be almost horizontal with the throne. "If it helps," he says quietly. "I consider you to be a person. Even if you don't have a soul. I mean, fuck knows that mine's all full of holes anyway." He bites his lip. "And. I won't tell anyone. If you don't want me to. I know I do gossip but there are things I won't talk about, especially if people ask me not to."
“I am an excellent facsimile, don’t be fooled, Steven. I’ve made decisions around this fact, after all,” he says calmly.
“So... it is too late now. But I would prefer it to stay under wraps for the moment. It is terribly selfish of me, a fake, to want Hades’ affection just a little while longer.”
Steven's quiet for a long moment. "Maybe you're not the real Hythlodaeus," he says softly. "But that doesn't mean you're not a person. You've got free will, right? And a mind of your own. Hell," he says, with a tired sigh. "Even our Fetches... even the really shitty ones that aren't enough like us... they're people too. Ones that stole our lives, but. They didn't ask to be made." He bites his lip. "Probably the other reason I hadn't done anything about mine yet."
“That is true, I’m not the real Hythlodaeus, but I also don’t know who else to be. And I wouldn’t want to be anyone else anyway. I’m not precisely a “who” besides... But I do have free will and mind of my own. That was a circumstance of my creation after all.”
"So when they take us," Steven says quietly, "they take a sliver of our soul and wrap some junk around it and make... copies of us. Fake versions. And they stick them into our lives and they live our lives for us." He doesn't say anything for a long moment. Then, "Mine really fucked up my life when I was away. That's why I couldn't just... tell the government it was me, I was captive, but I'm not anymore, so you can un-declare me dead. Because the fake with my name and face was there."
"They say we get that part of us back if we kill them," Steven says quietly. "I think about killing mine a lot. I hadn't when I was brought here. If I went home, I think I would."
“Well... it does sound as if it would be within your rights to do so. This creature was made to harm you, made of you even. It seems... rather clear cut, morally.”
Steven finds himself nodding, despite everything, and then yawns.
"Yeah. Sorry. I only went to bed a couple hours ago. We're both inclined to stay up late and I don't work until noon these days. Call you back later tonight?"
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fingersandteeth) wrote2022-02-21 05:11 pm
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"Tell me there aren't any of those here," he says a bit more quickly.
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He's quiet for a moment. "But. They're a thing where I'm from. I mean, I'm clean! But... they're definitely a thing. My, uh, favorite uncle died from something he caught that way." A shaky sigh. "It really fucked me up when I was a kid. You could see him just. Wasting away."
He shakes his head. "But there's nothing like that to worry about here. So, uh, there's nothing really stopping anyone from opening up our kind of bathhouse. They just. Don't."
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“The caretakers of your world are doing a poor job, it seems, and for that I feel I should apologize to you for them.”
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"Not your fault," he says.
He's quiet for a moment. Part of him wants to yell at Hythlo or talk about how angry he still is at Tyler. But he doesn't do any of that. Instead he asks, "What was the other thing you wanted to confess? Besides that you're looking for a good time."
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"I... I know you love your gossip, Steven. And perhaps I'm telling you this because I wish to be free of the burden of the lie. Hades does not know this."
He closes his eyes for a moment, resolving himself to it. "I would not be considered a person in Amaurot. More precisely, I would not consider myself a person. I am bereft of a soul, Steven. I was, once, a long time ago. But I am merely reconstructed from memories and animated by aether."
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“So... it is too late now. But I would prefer it to stay under wraps for the moment. It is terribly selfish of me, a fake, to want Hades’ affection just a little while longer.”
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“What is a fetch?” he asks, voice soft.
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“I am surprised that you would not be able to rejoin that sliver of your soul back to yourself, but... I’m not sure if you would want that either?”
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"Yeah. Sorry. I only went to bed a couple hours ago. We're both inclined to stay up late and I don't work until noon these days. Call you back later tonight?"
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