[Exactly, Steven. There is only so much he can do.]
Wonderful! [And he walks him right across the street, ensuring all the while that he's still there. Would he give chase? Probably not. But he knows he has to go back to work sometime. He seats himself in the little iron chair, pulled out to accommodate his legs but hunched over so that his arms can rest on the table. He folds his hands, still smiling as he takes a deep breath and begins to speak.]
You have... a nice life here, right? A lover, friends, meaningful work, a home. Myriad things... People that you like and relate with on some fundamental level? I used to have that, Steven. And now I have one person. And this one person has ever been, and now especially ever will be the very most important thing to me.
I thought we had an understanding. Or... At the very least, I thought I understood you. It is clear that I didn't, before. But now... Now, perhaps, I do?
What motivates you? Fear? Violence? Your friend Tyler told me that I would need to be violent to survive here and I resisted that. Does what you love motivate you to keep it?
[Steven looks at the table, so that he doesn't have to look at Hythlodaeus' face.]
My entire life, [he says very quietly,] there's only been one thing I've been sure about. And that's that the people I care about shouldn't be hurt. You didn't see the way that Solus being around him would-- would hurt Tyler. So much. Would... put him mentally in places he didn't want to have flashbacks to. And Solus took advantage of it.
That's why I told him to stay away after I-- After the stairs.
The stairs weren't supposed to happen. I was always just going to-- to give him nightmares. Whenever one of those weird weekends hit and I got my powers back. But the stairs did happen. And so I might not have done anything this weekend, except... except Solus didn't stay away from Tyler. Even after the stairs.
[He bites his lip.]
It seemed equitable. A night's mental torment for Solus in exchange for all the torment that Tyler went through in his presence. [That Steven had too.]
I didn't realize... I did very little, you know, to his dream. I just... crumbled a skyscraper or two, put some fire in the sky. Eventually, I added your body and that's what made him realize I was messing with his dream, but.
But that was him. That was almost all him, filling in my blanks for me and-- [He shivers.] My God, it was horrific.
It was. I was there, as you may or may have not known. I needn't describe it to you, I see.
[He places one very large hand on Steven's shoulder for the briefest moment. It is meant to be reassuring.]
That day changed us, Steven. I understand that you and Tyler have had short, difficult lives filled with anger and fear. These feelings are not welcome, but they are not new to you. Firsts are potent. I remember my first kiss... My first day at the akademia... Even the day I realized I had made a friend in Emet-Selch.
I had thought that I had felt anger and sadness before. I had not. And to be clear... The day the world fell apart, I was not angry. I was scared, I was sad, I was desperate. I was not angry. No, no. [He chuckles, his laugh clear as a bell. His chipper tone does not change.]
That came later. Yesterday, in fact. I am angry, Steven. Furious! I could not meditate this morning, nor could I concentrate. All I did was think about what I might say here. You know anger well, yes?
[It's not reassuring. Steven wrenches his shoulder out from under Hythlodaeus' hand.]
Tyler knows it better than me. I've a passing acquaintance with sadness and a newfound appreciation for fear that I know will become my cause one day, now that I've seen my future. Anger is his driving emotion, the way fear is mine.
But I know it well enough, I suppose, for all of that.
[He folds his hands together on the table. He is not offended by how he tears out from under him.]
...Then you know, at least, that it is unpleasant. I cannot say I enjoy how it beats my heart for me much too quickly, steals my thoughts and attention— [He laughs again, nervous energy pulling his hands apart as he places his chin into his palm. His demeanor shifts slightly as his begins to speak more quickly.]
Now, I have been trying to speak your language this entire time, but I think I've been coming up just short. You understand and appreciate fear. Well! I don't much enjoy any of it at all! And I'm not sure how well I will tolerate it going forward. I keep thinking that the emotion will burn down, that I might calm it in still waters, but no. I am only growing angrier and angrier by the moment. You have expressed some regret, as I knew you would if you acted again.
But I— I hate this feeling, Steven. I have an idea about what to do with this anger. Do you?
Tyler says you're the next best at signing. Every Wednesday, you're going to have lunch with me, and you're going to do so until I either forgive you, or you start to genuinely like me.
[He shrugs]
And then you'll be the one coming to me to remind me that we have auslan practice.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fingersandteeth) wrote2022-02-21 05:11 pm
Re: Action
I. Yes. Fine.
[If it's a public place there is only so much Hythlodaeus can do to him, right?]
no subject
Wonderful! [And he walks him right across the street, ensuring all the while that he's still there. Would he give chase? Probably not. But he knows he has to go back to work sometime. He seats himself in the little iron chair, pulled out to accommodate his legs but hunched over so that his arms can rest on the table. He folds his hands, still smiling as he takes a deep breath and begins to speak.]
You have... a nice life here, right? A lover, friends, meaningful work, a home. Myriad things... People that you like and relate with on some fundamental level? I used to have that, Steven. And now I have one person. And this one person has ever been, and now especially ever will be the very most important thing to me.
I thought we had an understanding. Or... At the very least, I thought I understood you. It is clear that I didn't, before. But now... Now, perhaps, I do?
What motivates you? Fear? Violence? Your friend Tyler told me that I would need to be violent to survive here and I resisted that. Does what you love motivate you to keep it?
no subject
My entire life, [he says very quietly,] there's only been one thing I've been sure about. And that's that the people I care about shouldn't be hurt. You didn't see the way that Solus being around him would-- would hurt Tyler. So much. Would... put him mentally in places he didn't want to have flashbacks to. And Solus took advantage of it.
That's why I told him to stay away after I-- After the stairs.
The stairs weren't supposed to happen. I was always just going to-- to give him nightmares. Whenever one of those weird weekends hit and I got my powers back. But the stairs did happen. And so I might not have done anything this weekend, except... except Solus didn't stay away from Tyler. Even after the stairs.
[He bites his lip.]
It seemed equitable. A night's mental torment for Solus in exchange for all the torment that Tyler went through in his presence. [That Steven had too.]
I didn't realize... I did very little, you know, to his dream. I just... crumbled a skyscraper or two, put some fire in the sky. Eventually, I added your body and that's what made him realize I was messing with his dream, but.
But that was him. That was almost all him, filling in my blanks for me and-- [He shivers.] My God, it was horrific.
no subject
[He places one very large hand on Steven's shoulder for the briefest moment. It is meant to be reassuring.]
That day changed us, Steven. I understand that you and Tyler have had short, difficult lives filled with anger and fear. These feelings are not welcome, but they are not new to you. Firsts are potent. I remember my first kiss... My first day at the akademia... Even the day I realized I had made a friend in Emet-Selch.
I had thought that I had felt anger and sadness before. I had not. And to be clear... The day the world fell apart, I was not angry. I was scared, I was sad, I was desperate. I was not angry. No, no. [He chuckles, his laugh clear as a bell. His chipper tone does not change.]
That came later. Yesterday, in fact. I am angry, Steven. Furious! I could not meditate this morning, nor could I concentrate. All I did was think about what I might say here. You know anger well, yes?
no subject
Tyler knows it better than me. I've a passing acquaintance with sadness and a newfound appreciation for fear that I know will become my cause one day, now that I've seen my future. Anger is his driving emotion, the way fear is mine.
But I know it well enough, I suppose, for all of that.
no subject
...Then you know, at least, that it is unpleasant. I cannot say I enjoy how it beats my heart for me much too quickly, steals my thoughts and attention— [He laughs again, nervous energy pulling his hands apart as he places his chin into his palm. His demeanor shifts slightly as his begins to speak more quickly.]
Now, I have been trying to speak your language this entire time, but I think I've been coming up just short. You understand and appreciate fear. Well! I don't much enjoy any of it at all! And I'm not sure how well I will tolerate it going forward. I keep thinking that the emotion will burn down, that I might calm it in still waters, but no. I am only growing angrier and angrier by the moment. You have expressed some regret, as I knew you would if you acted again.
But I— I hate this feeling, Steven. I have an idea about what to do with this anger. Do you?
no subject
We could hit each other until the Jennies step in, [he says tiredly.]
no subject
[He sighs.]
We're going to be friends, Steven. Because unless we're friends, I cannot forgive you.
no subject
And he knows that, doesn't he? That sadistic bastard.]
Please, anything but that.
no subject
[He shrugs]
And then you'll be the one coming to me to remind me that we have auslan practice.
no subject
Give me a reason why I should. I already have one of you furious and vengeful at me. What's one more?
no subject
[He raises his hands, palms up.]
But I suppose this is your choice. It should not take me long to discover where you live, next.
no subject
You are not going anywhere near our house.
... fine, then. We'll meet at eleven. My shift starts at noon.
no subject
[And with that, he stands, gives him a smile, and waves as he leaves.]
Don't forget!
no subject
[Steven, however, is going to bury his face in his hands—what the hell is he supposed to do now?]